“If you don’t believe, You don’t receive”: Not a Typical Wish List

Dearest Santa:

You have done so much for me. It is not fair for me to ask for more, except we both know I am going to. It is human nature to keep asking and taking. I thank you for all the wonderful past Christmases I have had! I am writing a note to you this year after many years of not writing a Christmas wishlist. Instead, the past few years, I thought about what I wanted but did not ask for them no matter if they were material or wishes of my heart. I just never wrote them down somehow expecting them to happen and appear despite my not asking. How wrong I was! I have now learned you must ask in order to receive. People cannot read your mind. Be vulnerable and ask.

When I was young I found magazines and circled just about everything in them because those are the things I wanted. I knew Christmas was more than receiving material gifts, but I still wished for material things. I suppose you could say I was a typical four year old.

For years I have not wanted many material things, but still wanted some. This year I can say without a doubt there is not a single material gift I truly want. I know I can find some if I must but I do not want to. I do not want to receive anything that can be wrapped and opened. This year, I am asking for more than I ever have. This probably seems hard to imagine since I have asked for catalogs and catalogs of things, but trust me this is not an easy order for you or your elves to fill.

I can promise you, it will be well worth it if I am granted these 9 gifts.

This Christmas I want:

1) I would ask for world peace, but we both know that would be a waste of a wish. Instead, I ask that my family, The Condon Family, finds peace with our recent loss of our beloved Brendan. It has been an incredibly hard six months without him. The support shown by friends, family, and strangers have been amazing, but it doesn’t take away the excruciating pain. A boy, just turned 19, killed on his way home from a friend’s house. I could talk about Brendan forever but I wont. I will just ask that my family, especially his Grandparents, mother, father, sister and two brothers find some happiness and peace this Christmas. I selfishly hope I find some peace this Christmas as I am constantly thinking about Brendan and even more so my family members who are grieving his loss. I wish I could do something to take the pain away from the people I love, but I cannot. It kills me, it worries me throughout the days,  and it keeps me up at night. I know the pain I feel, I cannot imagine the pain others in my family are feeling. All I know is I want to take their pain away, and it hurts that I cannot. The pain is real because the love is real. May Brendan and all our other loved ones we have lost have one heck of a Christmas in Heaven!! Filled with Irish dancing, playing the bagpipes, drinking some Irish beer, and listening to country music.

2) May all those suffering (the sick, the grieving, etc) find some peace, even if it is just for a minute, this holiday season. Specifically the Musgrove family who lost both of their parents at the end of October, the Hogan family who just lost their father and husband, My family who lost our Brendan, my brother, Conor, who is going through something health wise but we are not sure what it is yet, my grandmother and her siblings who are too stubborn to go to doctors and get help.

3) May I get over this virus and be able to revive my energy so I can do well in school this coming semester to one day get a high paying job. I want this job to ensure I always have money take care of my single mother who has given up literally everything for my siblings and I. As well as being able to ensure my siblings, cousins, aunts and uncles are always taken care of financially if they need it.

4) May my Grandmother, Great Aunts and Great Uncles get over being stubborn, go to doctors and get healthy so they may live for many more years. I selfishly cannot lose another person whom I love with my whole heart. Not now. Not soon. I want them around for many many more years. I do not think I can survive another loss anytime soon. The past few years have been full of loss and grief for me. So selfishly, for myself and my other family members, I hope the Great Aunts and Uncles are around for many, many more years.

5) May you convince anyone who wants to buy me something to instead donate to a cause I am a believer of. (Wounded Warrior, St. Jude, Brendan’s fund, THON, anything helping kids and adults with auto-immune diseases, single parents, etc)

6) May my family and I decide instead of spending Christmas at my grandmother’s together we instead take a few hours and serve food to the homeless. I know that it is not a good idea for me to go out and expose myself to germs given everything that is happening, but I do not care. These people deserve some warmth, food, and love during the holidays and if I can help, I want to. Even if that means risking my own recovery.

7) May my Conor be diagnosed soon so he can get on the road to recover. I am fearful that he will go through years of pain and illness without a diagnosis like I did. I do not believe he has the same thing that I do. I pray he doesnt. I pray he gets on the road to recovery very quickly.

8) Please please please bless every soldier (past and present) this holiday season. Not just them, but their families as well as they too serve to keep us all safe. There are not enough things for me to do to thank these brave men, women, and their families for all they have done for me.

I know I am asking for a lot. This is probably the list that is asking the most from you. If you can please try I would really appreciate it. If these 8 things are not possible, that is okay because I know you have already granted me my 9th and final wish this Christmas: Spending time with my family.

A few weeks ago, when I started this blog, I started following another blogger. The first post I read of Caroline’s was about her daughter, Madison, speaking about you, Santa. I commented on her post where I told her “(P.S. My mama still says “if you don’t believe, you don’t receive” so I still in a way believe in Santa- I just now know Santa is something bigger than the man with a big round belly, elves, and presents)”

Santa: I just wanted to let you know, I still believe in you. I know they say you are not a man with a big round belly, living in the north pole with elves and reindeer but I do know and believe you exist. I just now know you are bigger than a man with a big belly. That is why I know I can ask for these things. I know I need to trust in your timing, but I just had to let you know what I want most this year. I’m writing them because I feel if I write them out that it might increase the chances of my heart’s wishes being granted.

I love you. I thank you. I am looking forward to your day!

Merry Christmas, Santa!

With Love,



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